It started when I got bit by a tick from out in the woods where I lived. I think I was 14 or 15 at that time. My dad's girlfriend came down with something called Lymes Disease. Shortly after, so did he. But this wasn't a contagious disease. It was just actually a coincidence that this was happening to both of them. And then the neighbor had it down the street and the neighbor that lived behind us. And then I got it. I went through months of testing to rule out everything else since I didn't have the trade mark bull's eye or rash. That is the first sign that you have the disease. When they finally realized that is what I had, they started treatment immediately. My dad took us to this great doctor called Dr. Eddie. He was an amazing, helpful man. He helped my dad out so much and got him back to normal, so of course he wanted to take me to him also. I started 8 weeks of IV therapy. I was receiving antibiotics intravenously thru an IV that I had to keep in my arm for the whole 8 weeks. I had to sleep with it, I had to shower with it and I had to go in to the office I believe on a weekly basis if I remember correctly to receive my treatment. This happened after they tried me on oral antibiotics for a month and I wasn't getting any better. I was always a B and C student in school and now I was getting D's and F's. Something was clearly wrong with my brain and what was going on with me. I couldn't grasp things as quick or as fast as I used to. I couldn't understand many many things that my teachers were trying to teach me. I was failing. I was on something they called home bound. They felt this would help me get my grades back up while I was sick. A teacher would come to my home in the evening and sit with me at the dinner table and go over my assignments and homework and so on. It was just like being in school except at my home. I don't remember fully if it helped or not to improve my grades, but at least it kept me still in the system. That was until I was 16 years old. My best friend who was a year older than me got her driver's license. She would skip school regularly because frankly she hated it there. And with me home most of the time, I got into that routine and I never wanted to go back. I would stay home after my dad went to work all day. He thought I was still being good and doing what I was supposed to be doing. But I was starting to become reckless. He of course eventually found out and I agreed after much arguing that I would work during the day and then I would attend night school and I would still get my high school diploma that way. I also suffered intense migraines after the treatment was over for the Lymes. I have one right now and it is reminding me of those times. I get snappy and bitchy and I just hate the world thinking why me? I actually think the migraine I have right now is a result of drinking last night, but who knows. I used to take so much aspirin and it would never work. My dad started taking me to a neurologist. He was a kind Indian man and he really knew what he was doing. I had to get injections in the back of my neck to help the pain. And it did help, a lot. I just feel that because of this Lymes Disease that is what really messed my brain up and the reason why I am unstable and suffer from depression and now ultimately, I am bi polar. I think I should probably just suck it up and go rest for now. I am trying to be strong and trying not to take naps, but this pain is unbearable and I have had way too much caffeine so far to try to shake it. http://www.cdc.gov/lyme/
http://www.cdc.gov/lyme/postLDS/index.html
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Not exactly sure where to begin here. I will just start off with what is on my mind as of right now I guess. I am a very overly sensitive human being who suffers from the joys of bipolar depression disorder. This disorder as I call it for now controls and runs my life. It's the very reason why I am awake right now when all I really wish to be doing is sleeping like normal people do at 11:23 PM on a weeknight. It causes me extreme anxiety, really high highs, extremely low lows and everything in between.
I have no children, just my 2 kitty cats and my huge dog. But they are like my children and I treat them pretty much as such since I do not have any and more and likely will never be able to conceive one myself. As of present, we figured out tonight that my one cat, the younger one of the two has yet another urinary tract blockage. We have been so blessed to find a wonderful vet who takes very good care of animals and doesn't charge an arm and a leg and even is letting us make payments on what we owe him currently. So I get to make the dreaded phone call when they open tomorrow morning and tell them we need his services once again. The vet I took him to before who charges way too much money told me that this will be an underlying condition for him. I guess in a sense, he will ALWAYS have this issue. There are little things you can do to help him and to try to prevent his bladder from more irritation and going thru this all the time, but they are very small things and we have done some of her suggestions and it just doesn't seem to help.
I am finally coming back to my normal self or whatever that is from about a week or so of wanting to do nothing but sleep and stay in my bed. I was extremely depressed and just couldn't function. Now I am trying to make up for lost time per say and I feel a bit manic and extremely anxious about everything. I also am often wondering when I will take a turn for the worse per say and hit my bottom again. Sometimes I am good for weeks and can stay on course and function somewhat normally and all. I hate to think negatively like that, but it's just the pattern I am used to.
And just FYI. I have been on anti depressant medication since I was a teenager. I have no problem taking my meds and I take them every day just like I am supposed to. It seems as I get older though, and more problems arise, my levels need to often be adjusted and other ones added in here and there. It's frustrating to say the least. I have come to find out recently that taking meds is just not enough. I also need the help of a therapist to talk it out per say as to what goes on in my current life. There is a great mental health association here in my town so I am grateful for that. The only bad thing is my current therapist who I have been working with for about 6 months or so is now retiring. I liked her a lot and felt very comfortable with her. So, now I get to go to see someone else. Someone new. A male this time, which will be different because of course I feel more comfortable with a woman but they felt his gentle demeanor and all would match up good with my case. I am waiting to hear from them as to when my first appointment with him will be. That is another whole ball of anxiety weighing on me.
I often at times feel lost and alone and afraid. I know I have a good group of friends out there and my family that love and care about me, but no one I don't think quite understands what I go through all the time on a day to day basis. I feel crazy more than most of the time and sometimes I feel that is the way I come off to others. I don't like the stereotype label or being "that girl". I don't think there is anything I can do about it though. This is me.
Here is my Dexter kitty. I hope he will be ok.
I have no children, just my 2 kitty cats and my huge dog. But they are like my children and I treat them pretty much as such since I do not have any and more and likely will never be able to conceive one myself. As of present, we figured out tonight that my one cat, the younger one of the two has yet another urinary tract blockage. We have been so blessed to find a wonderful vet who takes very good care of animals and doesn't charge an arm and a leg and even is letting us make payments on what we owe him currently. So I get to make the dreaded phone call when they open tomorrow morning and tell them we need his services once again. The vet I took him to before who charges way too much money told me that this will be an underlying condition for him. I guess in a sense, he will ALWAYS have this issue. There are little things you can do to help him and to try to prevent his bladder from more irritation and going thru this all the time, but they are very small things and we have done some of her suggestions and it just doesn't seem to help.
I am finally coming back to my normal self or whatever that is from about a week or so of wanting to do nothing but sleep and stay in my bed. I was extremely depressed and just couldn't function. Now I am trying to make up for lost time per say and I feel a bit manic and extremely anxious about everything. I also am often wondering when I will take a turn for the worse per say and hit my bottom again. Sometimes I am good for weeks and can stay on course and function somewhat normally and all. I hate to think negatively like that, but it's just the pattern I am used to.
And just FYI. I have been on anti depressant medication since I was a teenager. I have no problem taking my meds and I take them every day just like I am supposed to. It seems as I get older though, and more problems arise, my levels need to often be adjusted and other ones added in here and there. It's frustrating to say the least. I have come to find out recently that taking meds is just not enough. I also need the help of a therapist to talk it out per say as to what goes on in my current life. There is a great mental health association here in my town so I am grateful for that. The only bad thing is my current therapist who I have been working with for about 6 months or so is now retiring. I liked her a lot and felt very comfortable with her. So, now I get to go to see someone else. Someone new. A male this time, which will be different because of course I feel more comfortable with a woman but they felt his gentle demeanor and all would match up good with my case. I am waiting to hear from them as to when my first appointment with him will be. That is another whole ball of anxiety weighing on me.
I often at times feel lost and alone and afraid. I know I have a good group of friends out there and my family that love and care about me, but no one I don't think quite understands what I go through all the time on a day to day basis. I feel crazy more than most of the time and sometimes I feel that is the way I come off to others. I don't like the stereotype label or being "that girl". I don't think there is anything I can do about it though. This is me.
Here is my Dexter kitty. I hope he will be ok.
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