Wide Awake

I have felt like this for the past day and a half.  I want to relax and I have tried to relax and to no avail, I just can't sleep.  I was lazy all day and just took a day to myself.  Did what I wanted to do. Caught up on TV shows on the DVR, cooked, relaxed, spent some time playing Internet games and going on the social sites I enjoy.  Told myself that I will go to bed early tonight and I will wake up early tomorrow and get everything done that I was putting off today.  At this point I am not really sure when I will go lay down and give this sleep thing another try so I can just rest my mind.   I just took a muscle relaxer because my back is killing me and I want to do something useful with this energy.  So I am going to go get to it because I know if i keep sitting on my ass I won't use this energy like I want.   Wow.  You would think it was the other way around.  I would take the muscle relaxer so I can relax and just chill.  But seriously, I just don't wanna right now.  I am enjoying my high and my insomnia.  Till tomorrow....

Opening Up..

What a roller coaster of a week it has been so far. And it's only Wednesday!  Sunday morning I went out and had a nice time with a few people taking pictures of just random things. We started off in an old cemetery and then moved to a nature trail.  It was A LOT of walking.  Too much for my body since I am not on my exercise/diet kick anymore.  My friend and I barely spoke the whole ride home because we were so tired.  I came home and slept for 6 hours. But taking this adventure really inspired something in me.  My love of photos and photography.  I even spent most of the day that I was awake on Sunday and part of Monday putting together my own site of my favorite pictures. The link is below.   Not sure what happened in that head of mine between Sunday day/night and Monday morning but I felt a rush of bad feelings coming in.  I was extremely overwhelmed, sad, unhappy, frustrated, angry and for the most part I am not even really sure why. Monday was a decent start but just a horrible day.  Tuesday morning I couldn't stop crying.  I haven't had an episode of uncontrollable crying in a really long time.  If I was crying for a while, at least I thought that I had good reasons in the past. I didn't even know why I couldn't stop this time.  I went to a support group today for anxiety and moods.  I fought with myself all morning if I was going to go or not.  The doubts that I was coming up with in my mind such as can I afford the gas to get there,will I be too tired etc etc?  I am so glad I went.  I left out of there laughing and feeling like I could conquer the world.  It was just an hour of other people who are so much like me discussing issues.  I am not quite sure why I felt so much better, but I just did.  I have been having a really hard time relaxing these past few weeks.  I am going to keep fighting to become a better me.  I am so far away from where I want to be, but I will keep at it and I want to start by writing more.  This helps me so much and I stopped it for a while there.  I hope whoever is reading this and if they are wondering what is going on in my life that they poke me, call me or write me and and ask why I haven't been keeping up with this.  I like sharing my thoughts and I actually enjoy other people that I do trust to read them.  I think it's kinda neat that I am opening myself up more so than I ever have and I never even knew that was possible since I am a very very open person.    

Link to my photography website..

https://melsphotographyadventures.shutterfly.com/#