Not exactly sure where to begin here.  I will just start off with what is on my mind as of right now I guess.  I am a very overly sensitive human being who suffers from the joys of bipolar depression disorder.   This disorder as I call it for now controls and runs my life.   It's the very reason why I am awake right now when all I really wish to be doing is sleeping like normal people do at 11:23 PM on a weeknight.   It causes me extreme anxiety, really high highs, extremely low lows and everything in between.  

I have no children, just my 2 kitty cats and my huge dog.   But they are like my children and I treat them pretty much as such since I do not have any and more and likely will never be able to conceive one myself.   As of present, we figured out tonight that my one cat, the younger one of the two has yet another urinary tract blockage.   We have been so blessed to find a wonderful vet who takes very good care of animals and doesn't charge an arm and a leg and even is letting us make payments on what we owe him currently.  So I get to make the dreaded phone call when they open tomorrow morning and tell them we need his services once again.   The vet I took him to before who charges way too much money told me that this will be an underlying condition for him.  I guess in a sense, he will ALWAYS have this issue.   There are little things you can do to help him and to try to prevent his bladder from more irritation and going thru this all the time, but they are very small  things and we have done some of her suggestions and it just doesn't seem to help.   

I am finally coming back to my normal self or whatever that is from about a week or so of wanting to do nothing but sleep and stay in my bed.   I was extremely depressed and just couldn't function.  Now I am trying to make up for lost time per say and I feel a bit manic and extremely anxious about everything.  I also am often wondering when I will take a turn for the worse per say and hit my bottom again.   Sometimes I am good for weeks and can stay on course and function somewhat normally and all.   I hate to think negatively like that, but it's just the pattern I am used to.   

And just FYI.  I have been on anti depressant medication since I was a teenager.  I have no problem taking my meds and I take them every day just like I am supposed to.   It seems as I get older though, and more problems arise, my levels need to often be adjusted and other ones added in here and there.   It's frustrating to say the least.   I have come to find out recently that taking meds is just not enough.  I also need the help of a therapist to talk it out per say as to what goes on in my current life.   There is a great mental health association here in my town so I am grateful for that.  The only bad thing is my current therapist who I have been working with for about 6 months or so is now retiring.  I liked her a lot and felt very comfortable with her.  So, now I get to go to see someone else.  Someone new.  A male this time, which will be different because of course I feel more comfortable with a woman but they felt his gentle demeanor and all would match up good with my case.   I am waiting to hear from them as to when my first appointment with him will be.  That is another whole ball of anxiety weighing on me.   

I often at times feel lost and alone and afraid.  I know I have a good group of friends out there and my family that love and care about me, but no one I don't think quite understands what I go through all the time on a day to day basis.  I feel crazy more than most of the time and sometimes I feel that is the way I come off to others.  I don't like the stereotype label or being "that girl".   I don't think there is anything I can do about it though.  This is me. 

Here is my Dexter kitty.  I hope he will be ok.