I have so much to say and I don't even know where to begin. I am manic again. Or maybe it was just too much caffeine. I keep getting those high highs and the low lows. I don't want to tweak my medications anymore. I just need to figure out a way to deal with things without always running for the pill bottle or let's try this. I wish life wasn't this hard. I am so freaking tired, but I can't sleep.
Sunday Morning.
I saw my therapist on Friday. It was all me, but somehow my weight started to get discussed. And how unhappy I am with myself and all of the physical aliments that I am having that are mostly contributed to my weight. Oh, I remember now, I was talking about birth control and the Provera pill they are giving me to help control my irregular menstrual bleeding. I can only be on that pill for 10 days and no more because of my weight because it could cause heart attacks and other bad things. So she asked me, would you like some help with this? I said YEA! with a big sigh of relief. So we talked and we discussed counting calories, diets, changing the way one eats etc. She mentioned an app called my fitness pal. I told her I have used it before but I never stuck to it. When I go on the computer I am distracted by social media and what others are doing I don't pay attention to myself. I was using it when I was going to school for Medical Coding and Billing. I was having serious issues with the uniforms fitting me correctly. That's when my teacher introduced me to it and was saying how much weight her husband has lost with it. Well when I started struggling in school, I of course turned right back to bad food and stopped doing fitness pal app. Well I am proud to say that as of Saturday morning I am back to counting my calories and it asks you about everything. It asks you about Exercise and how much you do and everything you eat, everything you do during the day and evening while you are awake. I am really enjoying it and I want to stick to this. I had such a rough time Friday evening after Ed went to bed. I just felt all alone again. It didn't help that when I went to go take our movie rentals back that my favorite jeans split really really bad right in the middle of my ass. My plan after I was going to take the movies back was to go get some kind of fried dessert. Apple Pies or something from Checkers. HA!. Not after that I didn't! I was furious and so upset with myself. But when I came back home I was having a really hard time with it. I am very happy and proud of myself that I turned something very negative into a big positive. I am hoping it will stay this way. I have to be hopeful. It's really all I got. I also want to thank my friends that helped me when I was down and I reached out to them. It's so nice that I have a few people in my life who I know are true to me and not out to hurt me.
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